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A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.
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Report: National Average Now 604

WASHINGTON—According to the annual report released Monday by the Center for Global Statistics, the United States National Average reached 604 Monday, climbing up from 600 in the previous year. “While the data revealed that the U.S. National Average increased slightly in 2013, those numbers are still moderately lower than in the late 1990s when the USNA was at 615,”said Dr. Paul Lewison, the lead researcher who collected, analyzed, and interpreted the numerical information in the survey sample used to determine the National Average. “The National Average has certainly been known to fluctuate, so estimations that it could gain a point or two and reach the 605 or 606 range are not unwarranted. However, the USNA might conceivably drop down to somewhere between 602-603.” The report confirmed that over the last year China’s National Average had decreased by a half point to 782.5.

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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

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