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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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Report: NBA Considering Firing Tim Donaghy

NEW YORK—Saying allegations that veteran referee Tim Donaghy bet on and manipulated the games he officiated were "disappointing at best and potentially disturbing at worst," NBA commissioner David Stern admitted that the league had considered going so far as to fire Donaghy despite his years of experience as an NBA official. "He's on thin ice at the moment, that's for sure," said Stern, while also noting that Donaghy had worked a number of very close playoff games, experiences he believed said a lot about Donaghy's character. "At the very least, we'll have to move him into a relatively harmless position where he would have no overt influence on the NBA, such as, say, an assistant accounting director at NBA Financial." Stern went on to note that whatever disciplinary action was taken by the league would be chosen so as not to send the wrong message to the players, whom he believed should not be made to fear they might lose their jobs for the tiniest screw-up.

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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