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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Report: NFL Had Previously Warned Sean Taylor About Spending Quiet Evenings Alone At Home

MIAMI—Immediately after Washington Redskins safety Sean Taylor died from gunshot wounds sustained when an unknown intruder broke into his Florida mansion and assaulted Taylor, NFL officials announced that they had warned the Pro Bowler against indulging in such risky behavior as sleeping quietly in his own home. "We communicated to Mr. Taylor several times that his lifestyle, including his insistence on living in a high-crime city and associating with such known troublemakers as NFL players, was potentially dangerous," a statement from the league's legal department read in part. "Although we are greatly saddened by Mr. Taylor's death, we feel we have lived up to our responsibilities in this matter." Following the announcement of Taylor's death, spokesmen for the league reached out to all NFL players and warned them of the risks of doing absolutely anything whatsoever.

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