adBlockCheck

Report: NFL Players Look Weird In Suits

Top Headlines

Sports

Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Report: NFL Players Look Weird In Suits

WASHINGTON—According to a report released Monday by the Professional Association of Custom Clothiers, NFL players, especially offensive linemen, generally look really weird in suits. "The suits themselves are actually very nice, but something about NFL players' bodies just make the whole thing look very awkward," the report read in part, adding that an aspect of the initial weirdness is that NBA players "just look way better" in suits than NFL players do. "And it's not that the suits don't fit correctly, either. It's hard to explain. It's just that bizarre combination of very thick necks and plump heads jutting out of common business attire that looks plain off." The report concluded that even the quarterbacks "look like they're wearing a costume or something."

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close