Report: No Gay People Actually Refer To Selves As 'Same-Sex Couple'

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Vol 49 Issue 26

Progressive Charter School Doesn’t Have Students

ATLANTA—One year into its founding as the purported “bold next step in education reform,” administrators on Monday sang the praises of Forest Gates Academy, a progressive new charter school that practices an innovative philosophy of not ...

Government Bans Sugary, Fatty Snacks From Schools

Under the government’s new “Smart Snacks in Schools” guidelines, schools will no longer be allowed to stock vending machines or snack bars with treats exceeding 200 calories or those including trans fats.

Magic Skateboard

PBS 3 p.m. EDT/2 p.m. CDT In this spinoff of The Magic School Bus, Mrs. Frizzle and her class hop on the magic skateboard and try to land a 360 varial inside the principal’s small intestine.

Senate Passes Immigration Reform Bill

With 14 Republicans joining Democrats, the Senate passed a sweeping immigration reform bill yesterday, which would provide a 13-year path to citizenship for the nation’s illegal immigrants, though the bill faces strong opposition from House Republic...
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  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

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Report: No Gay People Actually Refer To Selves As 'Same-Sex Couple'

WASHINGTON—Following the U.S. Supreme Court’s historic rulings on gay rights earlier in the day, a report issued Wednesday by the Human Rights Campaign reveals that not a single one of the nation’s millions of homosexuals actually refer to themselves and their partners as “same-sex couples.” “While the expression ‘same-sex couple’ is frequently incorporated into legislation, legal proceedings, and throughout the media, our research shows that this is not a term that even one gay person has ever used to describe his or her relationship,” said author of the report James Newcastle, 41, who noted that at no point in his own life has he referred to his boyfriend as his “same-sex partner.” “As the evidence demonstrates, whenever two gay people are engaged in a relationship, they usually just say something like, ‘We’re dating,’ or, ‘We’re married,’ or, ‘We’re a couple.’ They might, and it’s a big might, call themselves a ‘gay couple.’ But ‘same-sex couple’ is not a thing that normal people say.” Newcastle added, however, that a surprising number of such romantic pairs are now identifying themselves as a “queer dyad.”

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