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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Report: No One Over 13 Wants To Play QB For Redskins

ASHBURN, VA—Though the Washington Redskins are currently attempting to decide on their starting quarterback, no person older than the age of 13 has shown any enthusiasm about the position, team sources confirmed Sunday. “We had one ninth-grader come in, but he wouldn’t play here unless we got him a serious receiving threat,” said head coach Mike Shanahan, staring warily as an overweight 10-year-old girl attempted to throw a five-yard out to Santana Moss. “The problem we have here is that the only people in camp that are really excited about leading this team can’t see over the offensive line, can only throw underhanded, and trip over their jerseys.” The Redskins’ quarterback situation further deteriorated Sunday evening, when owner Daniel Snyder offered to trade Grossman and a third-round pick to a local Pop Warner team in exchange for their backup quarterback and cash.

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