adBlockCheck

Recent News

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
End Of Section
  • More News

Report:     % Of Americans Suffer From Synesthesia

BALTIMORE—A new report from leading neurologists at Johns Hopkins University reveals that as many as      percent of Americans have      or more symptoms of synesthesia. “Our conclusion is that the number of U.S. synesthesia patients is      times as high as at any point since the condition was first identified,” said study head Dr. Phillip Waggoner, announcing the findings of the in-depth     -year study. “It could take      decades to unravel the mysteries of synesthesia and develop an effective treatment.” Waggoner concluded by pleading with the government for more funding so that people afflicted with the medical enigma can live like the other percent of Americans.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close