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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Report:     % Of Americans Suffer From Synesthesia

BALTIMORE—A new report from leading neurologists at Johns Hopkins University reveals that as many as      percent of Americans have      or more symptoms of synesthesia. “Our conclusion is that the number of U.S. synesthesia patients is      times as high as at any point since the condition was first identified,” said study head Dr. Phillip Waggoner, announcing the findings of the in-depth     -year study. “It could take      decades to unravel the mysteries of synesthesia and develop an effective treatment.” Waggoner concluded by pleading with the government for more funding so that people afflicted with the medical enigma can live like the other percent of Americans.

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