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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Report: Olympics Mathematically Likely To Happen This Year

LAUSANNE, SWITZERLAND—Despite the numerous and varied difficulties faced by Beijing officials as the 2008 Olympiad draws nearer, International Olympic Committee members reassured the public yesterday with an announcement that, seeing as the current year was divisible by four, a summer Olympics of some sort was mathematically likely. "Everyone knows that, right? If the year ends in a two, four, eight, or zero, you're getting an Olympics," said IOC president Jacques Rogge, ignoring for the moment the ongoing Chinese troubles with smog, incomplete athletic facilities, inadequate housing, insufficient tourist infrastructure, and widespread political and social controversy. "And the last Games were in the winter, so this year, we'll be throwing, you know, the, uh, Summer Games. Of course. The math, you see, it all works out." Chinese officials refused to comment on any probability of the Olympics being held, saying only that in China, mathematics were known to be much more difficult.
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