How did this brutal ideological conflict begin, and will there ever be peace in the region? The Onion explains the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.
LAUSANNE, SWITZERLAND—Despite the numerous and varied difficulties faced by Beijing officials as the 2008 Olympiad draws nearer, International Olympic Committee members reassured the public yesterday with an announcement that, seeing as the current year was divisible by four, a summer Olympics of some sort was mathematically likely. "Everyone knows that, right? If the year ends in a two, four, eight, or zero, you're getting an Olympics," said IOC president Jacques Rogge, ignoring for the moment the ongoing Chinese troubles with smog, incomplete athletic facilities, inadequate housing, insufficient tourist infrastructure, and widespread political and social controversy. "And the last Games were in the winter, so this year, we'll be throwing, you know, the, uh, Summer Games. Of course. The math, you see, it all works out." Chinese officials refused to comment on any probability of the Olympics being held, saying only that in China, mathematics were known to be much more difficult.