Report: On Surface, Glenbrook, OH A Small Town Like Any Other

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Vol 50 Issue 11

Cheddar Cheese Prices Skyrocket Due To Chinese Demand

The Dairy Export Council reported this week that the cost of cheddar cheese climbed 18 percent this year to its highest price ever because domestic manufacturers have been unable to meet the demand for cheese by Chinese purchasers.

Lowly Mortal Opens Portal To Hell

John Kerry poses as a masseuse to get a few minutes with Putin, parents reminisce to their children about the dating algorithm that brought them together, and a lowly mortal opens a portal to hell.

Surge Answered With Rally

SAN DIEGO—With a succession of quick baskets during the NCAA Tournament Friday, sources confirmed that a surge was quickly answered by a rally.

Sleep Loss Can Cause Brain Damage

A study published this week in the journal Neuroscience found that inconsistent sleep patterns, including not sleeping enough and sleeping erratic hours, can result in an irreversible loss of brain neurons.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

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  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Report: On Surface, Glenbrook, OH A Small Town Like Any Other

GLENBROOK, OH—Citing its rows of modest two-story homes and well-maintained lawns, a report released this week confirmed that Glenbrook, OH appears, on its surface, to be a small town like any other. “At first glance, this tight-knit Midwestern community with its single stoplight and sleepy tree-lined streets seems no different than the workaday towns you might pass through anywhere in Middle America,” the report read in part, describing Glenbrook as a place in which people know their neighbors, children walk to school each day, and a stroll downtown takes you by a church, a bank, a diner, and an old-fashioned ice cream parlor always occupied by a smiling family or a local Little League team. “Most people don’t even look twice at the town square, or the high school, or the old movie theater. Indeed, a casual observer isn’t likely to notice anything out of the ordinary at all.” The report added that, upon closer inspection beneath its quiet, cheerful exterior, visitors might discover something else entirely.

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