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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.

A Timeline Of Valentine’s Day History

Every February, people across the world engage in romantic traditions with their loved ones in celebration of Valentine’s Day. The Onion provides a timeline of the holiday’s inception and evolution:
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Report: Only .00003% Of Things That Happen Actually Matter

WASHINGTON—Despite the sense of importance virtually all people place on the details of their day-to-day lives, a new report out this week from the Pew Research Center found that only three in every 10 million things that happen actually matter. “For example, in the entire 20th century, the only events that really made any difference of any kind were the Holocaust, the invention of the atom bomb, civil rights, and at most one or two other things,” the report read in part. “Meanwhile, our research found that how much caffeine you drink, your kid’s soccer game, what time the supermarket closes, where you go on vacation, weekend box-office returns, who shot JFK, and your taste in design do not matter in any way, regardless of your level of interest in them. In fact, the last thing that actually mattered at all was 9/11.” Pressed for comment, Pew researchers acknowledged that their new report was not among the .00003 percent of things that matter.

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Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

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