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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.

A Timeline Of Valentine’s Day History

Every February, people across the world engage in romantic traditions with their loved ones in celebration of Valentine’s Day. The Onion provides a timeline of the holiday’s inception and evolution:
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Report: Only Predictor Of Happy Marriage Is If Husband Ever Won Wife Big Stuffed Animal At Amusement Park

CHICAGO—Citing it as the telltale indicator of long-term marital satisfaction, a report released Wednesday by the Family Institute at Northwestern University found that the sole predictor of a successful marriage is whether or not the husband ever won a big stuffed animal for his wife at a county fair or amusement park. “Whether it’s achieved by knocking over three milk cans with a ball or filling a clown’s mouth with a jet of water, we noted a direct correlation between the quality of love two married people experience and whether or not the husband ever successfully won a carnival game and thereby earned his wife a giant plush Tweety Bird or fuzzy blue bear,” said lead researcher Aaron Tolchinsky, who noted that if the husband pointed to the largest prize and said “You want that? I’ll get it for you,” before winning it, the couple had a 94 percent chance of reporting high levels of emotional, intellectual, and sexual fulfillment. “In addition, the size of the stuffed animal won for a wife was extremely accurate in predicting levels of satisfaction, with smaller prizes like rubber finger puppets or plastic backscratchers resulting in higher incidences of dissatisfaction and divorce.” The report added that if on the way home from a fair a husband tenderly placed his jacket over his wife’s shoulders, statistics indicated they would die of old age on the very same day.

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Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

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