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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Report: People Talking About Soccer, But There’s No World Cup This Year So It Must Be Something Else

NEW YORK—According to a report released Friday, which noted a considerable increase in the number of people talking about soccer throughout the United States, this is not the year of a World Cup, so there must be something else going on. "Our research definitely shows a measurable increase in soccer-related conversations, Facebook updates, and tweets, which would be a perfectly natural occurrence around the time of a World Cup. However, that’s still two years away, so we’re really stumped," said Dr. Galen Clavio, a professor of sports communication at Indiana University, adding that hours of research also affirmed the increased soccer talk is not at all related to the upcoming London Olympics. "The current leading theory is that one of the famous soccer guys might have died, but the chatter only seems to be increasing rather than diminishing over time." Stating that they hope to have a definite answer within the coming week, researchers said there remains a strong likelihood that Americans were simply confusing soccer and hockey.

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