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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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Report: People Talking About Soccer, But There’s No World Cup This Year So It Must Be Something Else

NEW YORK—According to a report released Friday, which noted a considerable increase in the number of people talking about soccer throughout the United States, this is not the year of a World Cup, so there must be something else going on. "Our research definitely shows a measurable increase in soccer-related conversations, Facebook updates, and tweets, which would be a perfectly natural occurrence around the time of a World Cup. However, that’s still two years away, so we’re really stumped," said Dr. Galen Clavio, a professor of sports communication at Indiana University, adding that hours of research also affirmed the increased soccer talk is not at all related to the upcoming London Olympics. "The current leading theory is that one of the famous soccer guys might have died, but the chatter only seems to be increasing rather than diminishing over time." Stating that they hope to have a definite answer within the coming week, researchers said there remains a strong likelihood that Americans were simply confusing soccer and hockey.

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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