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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Report: Peyton Manning Played Entire Season With 38-Year-Old Body

DENVER—After a lackluster performance in his team’s playoff loss to the Indianapolis Colts, reports emerged Wednesday that Denver Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning played the entire 2014 season with a 38-year-old body. “Many had suspected something was wrong as Manning’s numbers dipped during the second half of the season, but he was able to hide the precise nature of his 38-year-old body from coaches, teammates, and the media,” said ESPN’s Adam Schefter, adding that the team’s midseason shift to a more run-heavy offense was made in an effort to keep the 14-time Pro Bowler from further aggravating his nearly-four-decades-old bones, tendons, and musculature. “Manning was often seen grimacing on the sidelines and was visibly frustrated at being hampered by a 38-year-old body during games. But the situation unfortunately only worsened as he tried to play through it.” Reached for comment, sources from the Broncos medical staff expressed pessimism over Manning’s future, warning that he will put himself at significant risk if he opts to play next season with a 39-year-old body.

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