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Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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Report: President Isiah Thomas Has No Exit Strategy For Knicks

NEW YORK—According to several sources in the coaching and management levels of the New York Knicks basketball team, Knicks President Isiah Thomas has "no coherent plan or strategy of any kind" to remove the Knicks from the long series of defeats they have suffered since Thomas began his tenure in late 2003.

"People are reluctant to use the word 'quagmire' around here, but let's face it: The Knicks are suffering defeat after defeat at the hands of intractable opponents who keep coming back with renewed resolve," said Larry Brown, who is recovering from injuries received as a direct result of struggling to coach the Knicks. "Perhaps the worst part is the diminishing support we're getting at home. And yet, the president is staying the course… I don't know how long he thinks this can go on."

Brown, who contends that Thomas did not give him "the tools and support to complete the mission," is expecting to be fired as Knicks head coach before the week is out.

When Thomas assumed the presidency of one of the most storied franchises in sports, he did so with flair, trading for and signing some of the top stars in the business. However, coming off a 23-59 season in which he was repeatedly criticized by many of his own top people, it is becoming apparent that the president has no intention of changing the way he conducts operations.

"We are engaged in a battle with people who hate our team and our way of playing basketball," Thomas said in an interview Tuesday. "We cannot afford to second-guess ourselves. You are either with the New York Knicks or you are against them."

While Thomas' hard-nosed style still enjoys its share of supporters among the old guard, polls of Knicks fans show his approval rating has dipped below 30 percent, the lowest ever recorded for a sitting NBA president.

Meanwhile, morale on the front lines, once a point of pride, continues to deteriorate.

"Face it—calls for our president to step down for the good of all are going to start any minute," said Stephon Marbury, a one-time supporter of Thomas' aggressive policies whose enthusiasm has waned as the Knicks became even more bogged down. "We're suffering losses here that are just unacceptable. Guys are talking about not re-enlisting for another campaign, and believe me, this is not a team that can afford to lose any more experienced personnel."

"We need guys here who can show strong defense, who can take the shot, and most of all, who believe in the mission," Steve Francis said. "What we're seeing are guys who just want to go home."

Some critics are even calling for Thomas to pull all of his people out of harm's way in the NBA and into a league where they can be safe.

"Two years and millions of dollars down the drain, God knows how many lives wasted, and for what?" said a Knicks executive who asked not to be named. "Some of the best strategic and organizational minds in the business are telling him to get out of there, and yet he insists on staying the course. I can't imagine this sort of irresponsible—no, suicidal—leadership being tolerated anywhere else."

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