adBlockCheck

Report: Rich Consistently Outearning Poor

Top Headlines

Recent News

Man Practices Haircut Request Before Heading To Barber

MINNEAPOLIS—Having scripted a set of lines he hoped to deliver with confidence and decisiveness, local 34-year-old Jason Clyne carefully rehearsed his haircut request several times Friday before heading to his local barbershop, sources confirmed.

Weddings vs. Eloping

Many couples who don’t want to put the time and money toward a wedding simply run off and get married in secret. Here is a side-by-side comparison of planning a wedding and eloping

EPA Urges Flint Residents To Stop Dumping Tap Water Down Drain

FLINT, MI—Citing the significant health and safety risks that it poses to public infrastructure and the local ecosystem, the Environmental Protection Agency released a statement Thursday urging residents of Flint to discontinue dumping tap water down their drains.

New OSHA Regulations To Cut Down On Workplace Mutations

WASHINGTON—In an attempt to address the troubling number of genetic transformations occurring in workplaces across the nation, the United States Occupational Safety and Health Administration unveiled new regulations this week aimed at reducing on-the-job mutations, sources confirmed.

Brita Unveils New In-Throat Water Filters

OAKLAND, CA—Representatives from Brita, the nation’s bestselling brand of household water filtration products, held a press event Wednesday to unveil a new line of filters designed to be installed directly inside users’ throats.

Upcoming Changes To U.S. Currency

Secretary of the Treasury Jack Lew recently announced a series of significant changes to U.S. currency. Here are some of the more notable alterations on the horizon
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Holidays

Surprises

  • Email From Mom Sent At 5:32 A.M.

    DENVER—After waking up and finding the message waiting on his computer, local man Drew Swanson confirmed to reporters Thursday that his mother had sent him an email at 5:32 a.m.

Report: Rich Consistently Outearning Poor

WORCESTER, MA–A study released Monday by the Institute For Statistical-Data Quantification brings to light "disturbing" new findings regarding the distribution of wealth in America, asserting that "a real, demonstrable economic gap exists between the nation's upper class and lower class, with the monied elite enjoying significantly greater overall wealth than their poorer counterparts."

American Focus

"These numbers paint a sobering picture for the American working poor," said Institute co-chair Mary Ellen Armbrister, one of the chief coordinators of the eight-year, $7 million research initiative. "The data we've collected clearly illustrates that our nation's economic system is biased against the low-income sector of society. This bias is evident in a wide range of economic indices–from overall earnings to yearly net gains to discretionary household spending–and holds true regardless of a person's age, racial background, gender, or geographic location. Across the board, this disparity appears to be universal."

"This nation's rich appear to enjoy a considerable, unfair economic advantage over their less wealthy counterparts, consistently outearning the working poor in nearly every case," Armbrister said. "Unless something changes, rich people will continue to have more money than the poor."

Among the study's disturbing findings: In all cases in which a poor person was compared to a corresponding wealthy person of double his or her economic standing, the richer person had 200 percent more financial assets. The rich were also found to spend more than the poor on everything from education to housing, and enjoyed significantly more Caribbean vacations than those who could not afford them.

According to the study, of the 1,794 Ferrari Testarossas sold in the U.S. between January 1992 and January 2000, 1,794 were purchased by the rich. Conversely, of the 3,589 used 1974 AMC Gremlins sold during that same period, 3,589 were purchased by the poor. Additionally, ownership of traditionally "rich" luxury items–including sterling-silver tea sets, antique Persian rugs, and priceless collectible art–is a whopping 48,000 percent less common among the poor than the wealthy. Most alarming, a full 100 percent of the 1,200 British butlers currently working in the U.S. are under the employ of individuals living above the poverty line.

The study is expected have a significant impact on the way everyone from policy-makers in Washington to members of the working class thinks about poverty in America.

The Income Gap

"For years, our society has fostered a dangerous stereotype, labeling poor people as 'lower-class' just because they don't have any money," said Yale University sociology chair Dr. Noam Reedy. "But if this report's findings are accurate, the reality is just the reverse: They have no money because they are in a lower economic strata."

Daniel Ruthven, director of the American Enterprise Institute, disagreed. "It is misguided to say that the poor have no money due to their disadvantaged status. Clearly, if they did possess capital resources commensurate with those of the wealthy, they would no longer be, strictly speaking, 'poor.'"

Armbrister stressed that it would be premature to draw any final conclusions from the 550-page report, cautioning that "much supplementary research must still be done."

"Yes, we do need more data," she said. "But regardless, it is apparent that a severe gulf exists between rich and poor. And this cannot be mere coincidence. There is clearly an unknown mitigating factor at work here, and I strongly suspect it may be financial in nature."

"The study's implications are clear," Armbrister continued. "We as a society can no longer sit on our hands. Something must be done. Now more than ever, we need greater funding for this ongoing research effort, so that one day we can somehow make sense of the sobering economic chasm separating the monied and unmonied classes in America today."

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close