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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Report: Samantha's New Haircut Pretty Bad, But Don't Say Anything

COOKEVILLE, TN—According to a report from the Department of Health and Human Services, the haircut Cookeville resident Samantha Howard got Tuesday looks pretty terrible, but please don't say anything, because she's already a little insecure about it. "It's kind of choppy and lopsided, like one of those hairstyles they say is going to make you look young and cool, but Samantha just can't pull it off," HHS Secretary Kathleen Sebelius said. "Her face is too round, for one thing. Please be advised to tell her it's fine and then change the subject." As of press time, Howard's haircut just needed to grow in a little, and Americans were being urged to support her decision to maybe wear it in a ponytail for now.

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