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Report: Seasonal Depression Still Better Than Purchasing Tiny Sunshine Lamp

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Brita Unveils New In-Throat Water Filters

OAKLAND, CA—Representatives from Brita, the nation’s bestselling brand of household water filtration products, held a press event Wednesday to unveil a new line of filters designed to be installed directly inside users’ throats.

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Study Links Clinical Depression To Getting Dunked On

BOSTON—Identifying a significant factor contributing to the development of the mental health disorder, researchers from Harvard Medical School published a groundbreaking study Thursday that reportedly links clinical depression to getting dunked on.

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In the United States, anyone who believes they have invented something truly unique is welcome to fill out a patent application to protect it, but it’s often a complicated and laborious process. Here are the steps involved in securing a patent

EPA Urges Nation To Develop New Air Source

WASHINGTON—Citing the hazardous levels of carbon dioxide and other pollutants accumulating in the atmosphere, officials from the Environmental Protection Agency urged the nation this week to develop a new air source.
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Ugh, This A Place Where Bartenders Wear Bow Tie

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Report: Seasonal Depression Still Better Than Purchasing Tiny Sunshine Lamp

WASHINGTON—According to a new report published Monday by the National Institutes of Health, the mental duress of seasonal affective disorder is still substantially preferable to actually going out and buying a little indoor sunshine lamp. “In controlled studies, the embarrassment of flagging down a Brookstone clerk and uttering the words ‘I’d like a Nature Bright lamp’ far outweighed the emotional toll of wintertime blues, even before factoring in the awkwardness of repeatedly having to explain the glaring rectangle to houseguests,” read the report, which also found that experiencing brief periods of seasonal depression pales in comparison to the onerous task of dragging a desk lamp from room to room six months out of the year. “In fact, a majority of people said they’d gladly take some extra anxiety or sleep problems if it meant never having to convince themselves that $100 for a bunch of multicolored LED lights was a good investment.” The report concluded by reminding all sufferers of seasonal depression that while they might feel sad sometimes, at least they don’t have to pretend Sky Effect™ technology is a real thing.

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