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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Report: Several NFL Teams Interested In Tim Tebow As Grounds Crew Worker

NEW YORK—Sources confirmed Monday that at least six NFL franchises have expressed serious interest in quarterback Tim Tebow as a grounds crew worker, claiming that the former Florida Gators star would be a perfect fit for their field maintenance team. “From a purely physical standpoint, Tebow has the size, strength, and agility for turf management, snow removal, or lifting 50 pounds of mulch,” said Kansas City Chiefs general manager John Dorsey, who expressed concerns about whether Tebow possessed the mental makeup to handle the stresses of mowing at a professional level. “Tim certainly has the skills to unload equipment, water grass, and organize and clean the storage areas, but he’s a little sloppy. We would be willing to take a chance on him for the league minimum, of course. However, if he wants insurance, he needs to put in 40 hours a week.” Tebow has reportedly stated that he wants to paint the lines on the field, but all the interested NFL teams agreed that the 26-year-old was not yet ready for such a challenging task.

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