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President’s American Manufacturing Council Down To CEO Of Shoe Carnival

WASHINGTON—Following a series of resignations from prominent CEOs amid the fallout from President Trump’s handling of white-nationalist violence in Charlottesville, VA, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that Trump’s American Manufacturing Council is now down to a single member, Clifton Sifford, CEO and president of Shoe Carnival.

Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Tide Debuts New Sour Apple Detergent Pods

CINCINNATI—Calling it the perfect choice for consumers looking to add some tartness to their laundry, Procter and Gamble on Tuesday unveiled a new sour apple Tide detergent pod.

The iPhone Turns 10

A decade ago today, Apple released the iPhone and revolutionized the way humans use technology. Here’s a look back at the evolution of the iPhone:

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.
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Report: Shame Of Walking Out Without Buying Anything Drives 90% Of Purchases At Small Businesses

ATHENS, GA—Citing it as one of the leading factors influencing consumer behavior across the country, a report released Tuesday by researchers at the University of Georgia found that nine of every 10 purchases from small businesses are driven by a customer’s shame at exiting the store without buying anything. “According to our research, 90 percent of all transactions at independently owned shops throughout the nation—be they bakeries, used bookstores, or one of those places that just sells unusual gifts and knickknacks—are motivated solely by intense pangs of guilt experienced after making eye contact with the owner and realizing you’ll have to walk past her at the register before you leave,” said the report’s lead author Emily Mosse, who confirmed that such purchases are typically initiated after the customer notices how every shelf is fully stocked and then realizes that he or she is the only other person in the establishment. “We found that most individuals who walked into a family-owned store with no intention of buying anything were quick to feel an incredible sense of sadness and pity upon seeing the clerk’s smiling face or the handwritten price tags on nearly every item, prompting the majority of them to pick out a minimally priced item such as a candle or at least a tin of mints at the cash register solely to mitigate their remorse.” Mosse added that nearly all individuals documented in the report admitted to then experiencing feelings of annoyance at having wasted money on some bullshit thing they could have gotten at a far better price anywhere else.

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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

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