Report: Shame Of Walking Out Without Buying Anything Drives 90% Of Purchases At Small Businesses

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Vol 50 Issue 25

Oldest Human Poop Discovered In Spain

Archaeologists working at an ancient campsite in Alicante, Spain discovered a pile of poop left by Neanderthals 50,000 years ago, which revealed that they were not strict carnivores as previously believed, but also ate plant matter.

Birthday Wish Wasted On Trying To Bring Dad Back

The U.S. Government sets aside 600,000 acres of pristine land for future generations to pollute, John Kerry says ‘to defeat them, I must become them,’ while putting on a black face mask, and a birthday wish is wasted on trying to bring dad bac...

Bedtime Story From Fucking Bible Again

BEAVERTON, OR—Saying that he has to deal with this shit every single night, local 6-year-old Andrew Neel was exasperated to learn Thursday that the bedtime story his mother would be reading him was once again from the fucking Bible, sources confirme...

Study: Women Who Give Birth Later Live Longer

According to a new study from the Boston University School of Medicine, women who naturally conceive and give birth to their last child after age 33 are twice as likely to live to age 95 as those who give birth to their last child before age 30.

Most Popular Fitness Trends

Workout programs such as CrossFit and Tabata have surged in popularity in recent years as Americans look for new and engaging ways to lose weight, get in shape, and build muscle.
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Report: Shame Of Walking Out Without Buying Anything Drives 90% Of Purchases At Small Businesses

ATHENS, GA—Citing it as one of the leading factors influencing consumer behavior across the country, a report released Tuesday by researchers at the University of Georgia found that nine of every 10 purchases from small businesses are driven by a customer’s shame at exiting the store without buying anything. “According to our research, 90 percent of all transactions at independently owned shops throughout the nation—be they bakeries, used bookstores, or one of those places that just sells unusual gifts and knickknacks—are motivated solely by intense pangs of guilt experienced after making eye contact with the owner and realizing you’ll have to walk past her at the register before you leave,” said the report’s lead author Emily Mosse, who confirmed that such purchases are typically initiated after the customer notices how every shelf is fully stocked and then realizes that he or she is the only other person in the establishment. “We found that most individuals who walked into a family-owned store with no intention of buying anything were quick to feel an incredible sense of sadness and pity upon seeing the clerk’s smiling face or the handwritten price tags on nearly every item, prompting the majority of them to pick out a minimally priced item such as a candle or at least a tin of mints at the cash register solely to mitigate their remorse.” Mosse added that nearly all individuals documented in the report admitted to then experiencing feelings of annoyance at having wasted money on some bullshit thing they could have gotten at a far better price anywhere else.

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