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Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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Report: Some Americans May Not Work In Offices

EVANSTON, IL—Despite strong evidence to the contrary on television sitcoms and in USA Today, a Northwestern University report released Monday claims that some Americans do not work in office settings. "The non-office-employed worker, long thought to be a fanciful creation from the realm of business fiction, may actually exist and walk among us," said Tim Irving, professor at Northwestern's Kellogg Business School. "Many offices, for instance, receive materials from outside, such as mail and food. While these items are undoubtedly produced in other offices, the people who bring them from one office to another do not necessarily appear to have an office of their own." It has been further theorized that, given the existence of jobs outside offices, workers may exist who do not wear business suits.

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