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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Report: Some People Live In Pennsylvania

ALBANY, NY—According to the results of a comprehensive, year-long study published Tuesday, researchers have confirmed that there are some people who live in Pennsylvania. “A careful examination of the evidence we collected has led us to conclude that certain people—some male, some female—make their home in the state of Pennsylvania,” said the report’s lead author, Ryan Armstrong, noting that such individuals may be adults or children, and may reside in northern Pennsylvania, southern Pennsylvania, eastern Pennsylvania, or western Pennsylvania. “When directly asked where they live, many people we spoke with told us Pennsylvania. However, there were others who, when asked the same question, named completely different places, such as Ohio, New Hampshire, or Buffalo. This would seem to indicate that while some people do indeed live in Pennsylvania, not everyone lives in Pennsylvania.” Researchers added that if actor Tom Hanks were to purchase a home in Pennsylvania and move into that home, then Tom Hanks would be someone who lives in Pennsylvania, but this is currently not the case.

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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

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