Report: Someone Probably Masturbating To This Stock Photo Right Now

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Vol 49 Issue 44

FAA Allows Use Of Electronics Throughout Flights

The Federal Aviation Administration announced that airline passengers will now be able to use certain electronic devices, such as e-readers and video gaming devices, throughout an entire flight, though cell phone calls remain prohibited.
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Report: Someone Probably Masturbating To This Stock Photo Right Now

WASHINGTON—According to a report published today by the Pew Research Center, there is most likely someone out there, at this very moment, masturbating to the stock photograph shown above. “Statistically speaking, it is highly probable that at present there is at least one hunched-over person touching him or herself while viewing this stock image,” the report read in part, citing current levels of web traffic, the frequency with which the average human being masturbates, and the variability of human nature and sexual proclivities, to draw its conclusion regarding the above photo licensed from Getty Images. “In all likelihood, the individual in question was simply browsing this site, reached this page, found its image sexually arousing, and has now commenced genital stimulation.” The report went on to state that there is nothing anybody can do about it.

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