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A Basic Guide To Dream Interpretation

Dreaming is a universal human experience, and many similar themes arise in people’s dreams the world over. The Onion provides some context for interpreting these common dreams:

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Family Sadly Marks First 4/20 Without Grandmother

ALBANY, NY—Reminiscing about the departed matriarch while partaking in the annual festivities, members of the Osterman family sadly marked their first 4/20 since the passing of their grandmother, sources reported Thursday.

Report: Store Out Of Good Kind

UTICA, NY—Unable to locate them on their usual shelf, local man George Rambart, 41, reported Thursday that the store was out of the good kind.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.
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Report: Standing At Work Can Increase Coworkers’ Disdain Up To 70%

GAINESVILLE, FL—According to a comprehensive 18-month study released Friday, researchers at the University of Florida have determined that standing for the duration of the workday can increase coworkers’ disdain by as much as 70 percent. “By simply switching from a traditional desk to a standing desk, we found that individuals experienced much longer and fuller looks of silent loathing from their colleagues,” said lead author Dr. Greg Darren, who confirmed that the more time subjects spent working on their feet, the greater the feelings of annoyance, scorn, and simmering contempt directed at them. “What’s most impressive is that the effects are apparent almost immediately—even just standing at one’s desk for a single afternoon resulted in a 25 percent increase in others’ feelings of derision. Over time, we found that this behavioral change can even lead to lifelong resentment in colleagues.” The study noted that in order to achieve the same level of disdain from standing at a desk, an individual would have to spend a full hour each day explaining his or her intensive workout regimen to colleagues.

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Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Family Sadly Marks First 4/20 Without Grandmother

ALBANY, NY—Reminiscing about the departed matriarch while partaking in the annual festivities, members of the Osterman family sadly marked their first 4/20 since the passing of their grandmother, sources reported Thursday.

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