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How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.

FDA Rents Party House Upstate To Test New Drug

TOBYHANNA, PA—With preclinical studies of an in-development cholesterol-reducing medication now complete, Food and Drug Administration officials confirmed Monday they would be conducting initial trials of the new drug at a large party house they had rented in upstate Pennsylvania.

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.
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Report: Standing At Work Can Increase Coworkers’ Disdain Up To 70%

GAINESVILLE, FL—According to a comprehensive 18-month study released Friday, researchers at the University of Florida have determined that standing for the duration of the workday can increase coworkers’ disdain by as much as 70 percent. “By simply switching from a traditional desk to a standing desk, we found that individuals experienced much longer and fuller looks of silent loathing from their colleagues,” said lead author Dr. Greg Darren, who confirmed that the more time subjects spent working on their feet, the greater the feelings of annoyance, scorn, and simmering contempt directed at them. “What’s most impressive is that the effects are apparent almost immediately—even just standing at one’s desk for a single afternoon resulted in a 25 percent increase in others’ feelings of derision. Over time, we found that this behavioral change can even lead to lifelong resentment in colleagues.” The study noted that in order to achieve the same level of disdain from standing at a desk, an individual would have to spend a full hour each day explaining his or her intensive workout regimen to colleagues.

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