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Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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Report: Stating Current Year Still Leading Argument For Social Reform

WASHINGTON—According to a report released Monday by the Brookings Institution, the single most effective argument in favor of social reform continues to be indignantly saying aloud what the current year is. “When it comes to making a case for reordering the social order, we’ve failed to find any rhetorical strategy more effective or compelling than saying ‘It’s 2014!’ and asking why societal change hasn’t occurred,” said policy analyst Brad Katz, adding that the argument was even more powerful when immediately followed with the phrases “I mean, come on!” or “for crying out loud!” “Furthermore, we found that all social progress throughout our history—including abolition, women’s suffrage, and the entire gay rights movement—can be credited to stating the current year, claiming you don’t know what year defenders of the status quo are living in, and reminding them that if they happened to look at a calendar, they would notice that the year you stated is the current year.” However, the report noted that Americans have recently seen a sharp decline in the effectiveness of stating what country this is.

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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

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