Report: Still 12,000 More Games Left In 2010 Baseball Season

In This Section

Vol 46 Issue 32

Ochocinco, Owens Preparing Touchdown Celebration Opera

CINCINNATI—Bengals wide receivers Chad Ochocinco and Terrell Owens reportedly stayed late after practice Tuesday to begin writing the libretto and music for, and start preliminary blocking on, a new touchdown-celebration opera.

New Edition Of Bible Specifically Mentions Second Amendment

CHICAGO—A new translation of the Bible released this week directly mentions the Second Amendment on eight occasions, and includes a version of Psalm 23 that begins, "The Lord is my shepherd, and the right of the people to keep and bear arms sha...

Employees Suspect Old Man Came To Roy Rogers To Die

ALLENTOWN, PA—"He came shuffling in really slowly this morning and just sort of slumped over there in the back," said cashier Brianne Pecor, 17, who claimed the old man has ordered nothing in the past two hours but a small cup of coffee. "It's pretty heartbreaking to watch. Guess the poor old guy doesn't have much of an appetite left. He's probably just looking for a calm, quiet corner where he can curl up and pass away."

Medical Tourism May Spread Superbug

A new strain of bacteria that is immune to most antibiotics has been found in patients who underwent surgery in India, and its imminent spread is worrying experts.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Healthy Living

  • The Onion’s Guide To Gym Etiquette

    Every new year brings a surge in gym membership from new members nicknamed “resolutionists,” many of whom may be unaware that there are unspoken rules everyone must observe when working out.

Energy

Report: Still 12,000 More Games Left In 2010 Baseball Season

NEW YORK—With the All-Star Game a distant memory and opening day almost 62,000 games ago, Major League Baseball teams still have 12,000 more games to play before the start of the 2010 playoffs. "It's certainly a very long season," said 32-year-old Chicago resident Doug Meyer, adding that he stopped paying attention to baseball after his Cubs lost their 18,000th game, which put them half a million games out of first place. "I was actually surprised to learn there were only 12,000 games left, because to me it feels like there are 20- or 40,000 more. In fact, sometimes it seems like the season will never end at all." Meyer later tried to remember if a team plays 90,162 games in a season or† 90,161.

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More