adBlockCheck

Recent News

Most Anticipated Panels At Comic-Con

San Diego Comic-Con kicks off tomorrow, and this year’s schedule is packed with must-see events. Here are the most highly-anticipated panels of Comic-Con 2017.

Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.
End Of Section
  • More News

Report: Turkey Sandwiches An Excellent Source Of Turkey Sandwiches

CHICAGO—Turkey sandwiches, long suspected of being a rich source of turkey sandwiches, were found to contain a substantial amount of turkey sandwich in every bite, the Food and Drug Administration reported Monday. "While traces of turkey sandwich can be found in other foods, such as turkey, bread, mayonnaise, or turkey-and-ham sandwiches, only turkey sandwiches contain 100 percent turkey sandwich," the report read in part. "In addition, eating a turkey sandwich a day is proven to help reduce the risk of not eating turkey sandwiches. This is great news for the 12 million Americans who aren't currently getting enough turkey sandwich." The report noted that turkey sandwiches are no longer considered to be a good source of hot dogs.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close