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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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Report: U.S. Consumers Spend $900 Billion Each Year After Saying ‘Gimme One Of Those, Too’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—According to a report published this week in the Quarterly Journal Of Economics, American consumers spend nearly a trillion dollars each year after uttering the phrase “Gimme one of those, too.” “Even in recession conditions, we found that U.S. consumers spend about $900 billion annually when they reach the cash register with their purchases, quickly assess the available display racks, and then say, ‘Ooh, and one of these, too,’” said John Y. Campbell, a Harvard University economics professor and the lead author of the study, who noted that the average American household spends over $7,200 per year after seeing or smelling something enticing during checkout and saying, “What the hell—throw in one of them, too.” “An additional $120 billion is spent after Americans say, ‘Know what? Make it two of those,’ and $200 billion after saying, ‘Ooh, that sounds good—I’ll have the same.’” Campbell added that a recent analysis of the nation’s 2015 GDP revealed that $2 trillion —roughly one-tenth of the entire U.S. economy—is dependent on Americans deciding at the last minute to add extra cheese.


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