Report: What College Recruiter Currently Doing To Be Subject Of Huge NCAA Investigation In 5 Years

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Vol 49 Issue 44

FAA Allows Use Of Electronics Throughout Flights

The Federal Aviation Administration announced that airline passengers will now be able to use certain electronic devices, such as e-readers and video gaming devices, throughout an entire flight, though cell phone calls remain prohibited.

Facebook Use Declining Among Teens

Facebook stock prices tumbled after executives admitted this week that the site’s usage among young teenagers has been declining in recent months, as newer social networks like Snapchat lure away the valuable trendsetting demographic.
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Report: Dad Wants To Show You Where Fuse Box Is

YOUR LOCATION—Noting that it’s important to be prepared in case of emergencies but it’s also a good thing to know in general, your dad announced today that he wants to show you where the fuse box is.

Report: What College Recruiter Currently Doing To Be Subject Of Huge NCAA Investigation In 5 Years

JUPITER, FL—Sources confirmed Friday that what college recruiter Jeff Watters is currently doing will be the subject of a massive NCAA investigation in five years. “What’s happening right now with that top recruit will likely be the focal point of a seven-part exposé in Sports Illustrated and several days’ worth of intense SportsCenter coverage in the near future,” said one anonymous source, only specifying that the impermissible dealings include promises of “temporary gifts” for the player and the realization that his high school coach would be a perfect candidate for the university’s newly vacant Director of Player Personnel position. “The envelope he just handed that high school senior will be the smoking gun at the end of a long trail of subpoenaed bank statements and one-on-one interviews with other recruits and players. All of this will be denied by everyone involved and NCAA personnel will spend months, possibly years, sorting through the details.” The unnamed source added that the entire investigation and sentencing will take place after both the star player and Watters have left the college’s football program.

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