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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Report: Women Only Made Up 2.7% Of Video Game Bosses Last Year

DURHAM, NC—After surveying hundreds of dungeons and arenas across an array of digital realms, a new report released Wednesday by Duke University’s Fuqua School of Business found that women only made up 2.7 percent of video game bosses last year. “Despite changing perceptions in society at large, we found that in 2016, only one in approximately 50 female supervillains reported holding a leadership position in which she got to guard important artifacts or power-ups,” read the report in part, adding that even the most colossal cybernetic alien huntresses were far more likely to serve as minibosses or just minions in a larger swarm of enemies than the final combatant in a quest, much less an entire game. “Additionally, heroes only reported getting 79 percent as many coins for beating female bosses as they did male ones. While there are certainly some prominent female bosses, such as Vicar Amelia, the mummified wolf-deer hybrid beast from Bloodborne, there still remain many institutional barriers blocking female monsters, zombies, and supernatural assassins from advancing in their respective levels.” The report ultimately concluded that while change was possible, it would not come quickly and, in fact, may take several console generations.

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