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Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:
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Report: Women Only Made Up 2.7% Of Video Game Bosses Last Year

DURHAM, NC—After surveying hundreds of dungeons and arenas across an array of digital realms, a new report released Wednesday by Duke University’s Fuqua School of Business found that women only made up 2.7 percent of video game bosses last year. “Despite changing perceptions in society at large, we found that in 2016, only one in approximately 50 female supervillains reported holding a leadership position in which she got to guard important artifacts or power-ups,” read the report in part, adding that even the most colossal cybernetic alien huntresses were far more likely to serve as minibosses or just minions in a larger swarm of enemies than the final combatant in a quest, much less an entire game. “Additionally, heroes only reported getting 79 percent as many coins for beating female bosses as they did male ones. While there are certainly some prominent female bosses, such as Vicar Amelia, the mummified wolf-deer hybrid beast from Bloodborne, there still remain many institutional barriers blocking female monsters, zombies, and supernatural assassins from advancing in their respective levels.” The report ultimately concluded that while change was possible, it would not come quickly and, in fact, may take several console generations.

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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

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