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Reporter For High School Newspaper Most Professional Journalist In Nation

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Voyager Probe Badly Damaged After Smashing Into End Of Universe

PASADENA, CA—Confirming that several components had broken off the craft and that most of its scientific instruments were no longer operational, officials from NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced that Voyager 1, the pioneering space probe launched in 1977, had been severely damaged Thursday after crashing into the end of the universe.

Leaked Documents Reveal Studio Executives Knew About ‘Gods Of Egypt’ Before It Released Onto Public

SANTA MONICA, CA—Suggesting that the disastrous events of three months ago could have been averted, federal investigators stated Wednesday that a trove of leaked documents confirmed high-ranking studio executives had full knowledge of Gods Of Egypt long before the film was released onto unsuspecting Americans.Investigators described those who allowed such a screenplay to be carried out as “extremely sick and heartless individuals.”

Books Vs. E-Readers

Though e-readers have increasingly supplanted books in the digital age, many bibliophiles defend the importance of physical texts. Here is a side-by-side comparison of physical books and e-books

The Arguments For And Against Bernie Sanders Staying In The Race

Bernie Sanders is ramping up his efforts in the presidential race despite long odds, while sharpening his criticisms of a Democratic Party increasingly focused on the general election with Hillary Clinton as their presumptive nominee. Here are the arguments for and against Sanders staying in the race
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Reporter For High School Newspaper Most Professional Journalist In Nation

YAKIMA, WA—According to sources, sophomore Melanie Finkelstein, a reporter for Yakima High School's Eagle Eye student newspaper, is, as of Tuesday, the most competent and professional journalist in the nation. "I just want everyone on campus to know what's going on," said the student, who when reporting on various Yakima High events and activities attributes all details and assertions, runs quotes by sources before publishing them, and avoids sensationalism. "I triple-check my facts and then take out anything that looks like an opinion from me—just basic journalism stuff, really." Finklestern, 15, who with her short, cropped hair and tomboyish clothing is probably a lesbian, said that while she enjoyed writing for the student paper, she doubted she was good enough to ever do it for a living.

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