Reporters Comb New Orleans For Heartwarming Story

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Vol 41 Issue 38

Kate Moss In Trouble

Kate Moss lost her contracts from H&M, Burberry, and Chanel last week when a London tabloid published photos of the supermodel doing cocaine. What do...

Face Transplants

The Cleveland Clinic has begun interviewing candidates for the world's first face transplant. What do you think?

American Teens, French Sex

According to several recent studies, as many as two-thirds of American teens claim to have regular oral sex. What do you think?
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

Reporters Comb New Orleans For Heartwarming Story

NEW ORLEANS—Journalists and TV-news crews continued to comb the wreckage of New Orleans for a heartwarming story last week. "We thought we found a cute lost puppy on a rooftop, but when I tried to retrieve him, he chewed me up pretty good," CNN reporter Gary Tuchman said. "At least we did better than those guys from WGN—they thought they'd reunited an elderly married couple, but they just happened to have similar last names, and the guy raped the old lady to death in the Superdome basement." Many reporters have abandoned the heartwarming angle, instead concentrating on looting houses in the exclusive Port Charles neighborhood.
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