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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Reports Of Movie Being Good Reach Area Man

CHICAGO—Local resident Daniel Paxson has reportedly heard dozens of accounts from numerous friendly sources in the past two weeks confirming that the new James Bond film is pretty good. According to persons with knowledge of the situation, an unnamed friend of Paxson’s coworker Wendy Mathers watched the movie on opening weekend and found it to be “decent enough.” News of this development is believed to have then led Mathers herself to see the film the following week. Though she was overheard describing its screenplay as “kind of forgettable,” Mathers is said to have concluded that Daniel Craig’s performance redeemed the movie overall, and according to witnesses, she voiced this opinion during a work meeting at which Paxon was present. Within a few days, a second coworker had reportedly seen the film and told Paxson it was “not the worst way [he] could spend a night out.” Sources said the accumulation of these mostly positive reports led Paxson to decide the movie was probably good and to consider checking it out himself sometime this week. At press time, reports indicated Paxson was perusing theater listings and confused as to whether the new James Bond movie was titled Killing Them Softly, Deadfall, Skyfall, or Silent Night.

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