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Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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Republicans Condemn Akin's Comments As Blemish On Party's Otherwise Spotless Women's Rights Record

WASHINGTON—In the wake of last weekend’s highly controversial comments from Rep. Todd Akin (R-MO), top Republican officials condemned the congressman’s statements Monday, calling them a black mark on the party’s otherwise flawless record on women’s rights issues. “Throughout our history, whether it’s been our position on birth control, abortion, or equal pay for equal work, Republicans have always stood together with women, listening to their needs and fighting for issues that are are important to them. That is why we were stunned that someone from our own party could have made such insensitive remarks or expressed such uninformed opinions about women,” said Republican National Committee chairman Reince Priebus, calling Akin’s comments an outlier, especially when one considers the huge, progressive strides—both personally and professionally—the GOP has helped women make over the years. “We apologize for Congressman Akin. And we want the nation’s women to know that they will continue to have no greater ally than the the Republican Party.” Priebus added that while there was certainly no excuse for Akin’s comments, after 150 years without a single insensitive remark against women, perhaps the GOP was due.

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