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Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

What Is Trump Hiding?

As The Onion’s 300,000 staffers in its news bureaus and manual labor camps around the world continue to pore through the immense trove of documents obtained from an anonymous White House source, the answers that are emerging to these questions are deeply unnerving and suggest grave outcomes for the American people, the current international order, Wolf Blitzer, four of the five Great Lakes, and most devastatingly, the nation’s lighthouses and lighthouse keepers.

Deep Blue Quietly Celebrates 10th Anniversary With Garry Kasparov’s Ex-Wife

PITTSBURGH—Red wine and candlelight on the table before them, Deep Blue, the supercomputer that defeated reigning world chess champion Garry Kasparov in 1997, and Kasparov’s ex-wife, Yulia Vovk, quietly celebrated their 10th anniversary on Wednesday at a small French restaurant near Carnegie Mellon University, where Deep Blue was created.
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Rescue Chip Sent In To Save Broken Tostito Submerged In 7-Layer Dip

The rescue chip is lowered down into the dip in the mission’s early stages.
The rescue chip is lowered down into the dip in the mission’s early stages.

AKRON, OH—Calling the situation dangerous and a rescue operation “very risky,” authorities have confirmed they will now lower a rescue chip into a seven-layer dip to save a broken Tostito that got caught in the party spread approximately 45 seconds ago.

According to sources, the rescue snack—a restaurant-style corn chip with high-grade scooping capabilities—will be carefully lowered into the unstable dip, whereupon it will attempt to hook underneath the stranded chip, lift the bisected snack out of the multi-layered food mixture, and bring it to safety.

Sources confirm that it’s a daring rescue operation that represents the last, best hope for the trapped chip.

Click to enlarge.

“What we’re looking at here is a worst-case scenario. The initial chip is so embedded in the dip that it can’t be extricated by conventional means,” said the 28-year-old leader of the emergency operation, Jason Larkin, who reportedly was present when the initial chip fractured in two, leaving its lower half helplessly submerged in a composite of salsa, refried beans, and ground beef. “If everything goes as planned, and it’s a big if at this point, we’ll be able to make sure both of these chips get out of there okay.”

“Look, it could have been a combination of factors, including a lack of hand support, or maybe the chip was one of the flimsier ones, or maybe it was just a freak accident,” Larkin continued, trying to explain the cause of the disaster. “But we can answer those questions later. Now we just have to focus on going in there and getting it out.”

According to Larkin, the key to a successful operation is finding a secure entry point into the dip, preferably one with as little sour cream as possible. Larkin said that while olives and shredded lettuce are certainly obstructions, they present little danger in terms of snapping the rescue chip in half.

“We have to be meticulous about this, because the last thing we want is to lose the emergency tortilla,” said Larkin, adding that it would be a major setback for the entire operation. “I’d say right now, we have a 50/50 chance of success. And I would ask that everybody please say a prayer for this chip’s safe return.”

According to Larkin, catastrophe struck at approximately 4 p.m. after the initial chip made its ill-advised descent into the heart of a glass serving container of seven-layer dip. Larkin said that the most likely cause of the incident was that while the corn chip easily penetrated the surface layers of olives and shredded cheese, it probably encountered significant resistance while attempting to make its way through the more unforgiving tier of guacamole, which ultimately proved too viscous to surmount.

Last known file photo of the wounded chip.

Sources claimed the accumulated toppings combined with the pace of the scoop created far too much torque, causing the chip to abruptly sever in two.

“Time is definitely not on our side here,” said Larkin, who noted that the submerged chip segment is only getting soggier by the minute. “The isolated chip is currently holding up pretty well, given the circumstances, but it’s slowly absorbing more and more of the salsa, and there are a couple of smaller chip fragments in the immediate area. These factors will make it increasingly difficult for this second chip to get everything out of there cleanly.”

Though the leader of the rescue operation said he was confident that, if performed correctly, the complex extraction would result in both chips emerging from the dip safe and sound, he said he blamed himself for allowing such a risky situation to develop.

“Unfortunately, I’ve had experience with this kind of thing before, and I hold myself personally responsible,” said Larkin, who admitted that he never should have sent the initial chip in so deep in the first place. “I’m truly sorry for getting everyone into this mess.”

At press time, witnesses confirmed that the rescue chip had snapped in half upon attempting to navigate a particularly dense pocket of dip, forcing Larkin to pursue a last-ditch effort of extracting both chips by deploying of a pair of rescue fingertips.

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