Rescued Baby Bird Wearing Out Welcome

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Vol 46 Issue 13

NBA To Start Charging Teams For Free Throws

NEW YORK—In an effort to increase the league's revenue and offset the expensive cost of foul shots, commissioner David Stern announced Monday that the NBA would begin charging teams a $50 fee per free throw attempt.

Chimp In Cocaine Study Starts Lying To Friends

ATLANTA—Early in the study, Bobo's elevated mood and excessive chattering made him quite popular among the other chimpanzees. But researchers claimed that his increased irritability, short temper, and absenteeism at the jungle gym did not go unnoticed.
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Rescued Baby Bird Wearing Out Welcome

SAN JOSE, CA—The abandoned baby robin rescued by 7-year-old Todd Jeffries Friday morning has long since overstayed its welcome, Sycamore Drive sources reported. "It was adorable when he first brought the bird home," said father Ken. "We thought it would be a chance for him to learn about compassion and how to take care of another living creature. But it's been five days, the damn thing squawks all night long, and I've already spent 25 bucks on mealworms." According to Jeffries, he's giving the bird two more days to learn how to fly and then he's going to snap its neck and be done with it.

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