adBlockCheck

Recent News

‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
End Of Section
  • More News

Researchers Find Link Between Education, Smartness

BOSTON—A study released Tuesday by the Lyman Center for Policy Evaluation and Strategy may have uncovered a link between school-based education and human smartness.

"Based on these forms we had people fill out, and these charts we came up with, we're pretty sure exposure to education in early life is consistent with higher levels of smartness-having overall," said Brent Shale, one of the study's coauthors. "Also, we figured out that the more educated-er people are, the better they are at doing complicated stuff like filling out forms and understanding charts."

If the study results are corroborated, the researchers say, it could mean "a whole new understanding of, you know, what smartness even is."

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close