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Patriotic Teen Fails Spanish

Jean Anne Whorton goes Beyond The Facts, talking to the high school sophomore who has become a conservative hero for refusing to learn his Spanish vocabulary.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Resigned Jason Bay: "Well, I'm A Met Now"

NEW YORK—At an introductory press conference at Citi Field Tuesday, Jason Bay donned a blue and orange hat, sighed deeply, and announced that he was, indeed, a New York Met. "Well, here we are," Bay seemed to say to himself while tightly gripping the lectern and slowly shaking his head. "I guess I'm a Met now. A New York Met. I was on the Red Sox for the past couple of years, they offered me $60 million to stay, but instead here I am with the Mets. Not exactly sure how that happened, but yeah, I'm thrilled to be here. Just thrilled." Bay became more animated when musing aloud about the possibility of a trade, but fell quiet once he realized that possibility wasn't very realistic.

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