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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Resourceful Man Able To Cobble Together Bad Mood From Handful Of Minor Annoyances

DAYTON, OH—Admiring how he could assemble a sour demeanor from practically nothing, employees at Western Business Services told reporters Friday their coworker Mark Daniels has the ability to cobble together a bad mood from just a handful of minor annoyances. “Just by combining a couple trivial irritations with a few petty nuisances, Mark’s able to construct a really shitty mood—in fact, he does it all the time,” said Daniels’ colleague Rachel Smith, adding that she once observed the enterprising 36-year-old hastily throw together news that the office coffee machine was broken along with the slight aggravation of a restaurant forgetting to include ketchup packets in his lunch order to create a week-long funk. “He’s just so inventive in how he takes such miniscule inconveniences and incorporates them in ingenious ways to build an awful fucking attitude. It seems pretty challenging to me, but Mark’s able to do it just like that.” Several reports indicated that while Daniels has the ability to manufacture a bad mood at any time, it requires an overwhelming amount of positive experiences for him to scrape together good spirits.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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