adBlockCheck

Restaurant Patrons Entranced By Sizzling Order Of Fajitas

Top Headlines

Local

Man Entirely Different Misogynist Online Than In Real Life

CHATTANOOGA, TN—Explaining how his subtle belittlement and disrespect for women in face-to-face interactions had little in common with the bold, outspoken manner in which he degrades women when he’s on social media or website message boards, sources reported Tuesday that local man Colin McManus is a totally different misogynist online than in real life.

Man Has Loyalty To Pretzel Brand

BROWNSVILLE, TX—Describing them as “the best pretzels out there” and “the only ones [he] buy[s],” local resident Ned Carlisle expressed his firm loyalty to Snyder’s of Hanover–brand pretzels Tuesday.

Seagull This Far Inland Must Be Total Fuckup

KNOXVILLE, TN—Questioning how the bird could have possibly ended up more than 300 miles from the nearest ocean, sources confirmed Friday that a seagull that was spotted this far inland must be a total fuckup.

Only News Source Man Trusts Has Logo Of Eyeball In Crosshairs

FULLERTON, CA—Noting that he relies upon the website every day to keep himself apprised of important national and global events, sources confirmed Thursday that the only news outlet local man Andrew Howland trusts uses an image of an eyeball in crosshairs as its logo.

Man Approaches Unfamiliar Shower Knobs Like He Breaking Wild Stallion

TERRE HAUTE, IN—Approaching the strange bathing controls with caution before gingerly laying both hands upon them, 37-year-old Matthew Dolan took on a pair of unfamiliar shower knobs while visiting an old college friend’s home Thursday like he was breaking an untamed stallion of the wild West, sources reported.

Wedding Photographer Keeps Calling Bride’s Parents ‘Mom’ And ‘Dad’

CHARLOTTE, NC—Despite having just met the middle-aged couple earlier that afternoon, local wedding photographer Bob Dennison kept referring to the bride’s parents as “Mom” and “Dad” throughout the Lambert-Carrillo wedding Saturday, sources reported. “All right, I need Mom and Dad standing right here in front of the rosebush.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Restaurant Patrons Entranced By Sizzling Order Of Fajitas

Family members try in vain to avert their eyes from the crackling plate of chicken and vegetables.
Family members try in vain to avert their eyes from the crackling plate of chicken and vegetables.

FORT WAYNE, IN—Some two dozen patrons at a local Chili's Grill & Bar were reportedly transfixed Tuesday when a sizzling order of chicken fajitas was carried from the kitchen across the dining room to a waiting customer, sources said.

According to witnesses, the fajitas—a staple of the popular restaurant chain's menu—sizzled for all 14 seconds of the plate's transport across the room, and continued to sizzle for up to 10 seconds after being placed in front of a party of five seated near the restaurant's bar area. Though most dinner conversations reportedly ceased the moment fascinated patrons caught sight of the hissing, $12.99 entree, several customers were overheard to say, "That looks good," "Ooh," and "I think those are the fajitas."

An enchanting trail of steam emanating from the black skillet on which the meat and vegetables continued to sear was also observed at that time.

The sizzling dish

"Usually sizzling is reserved for the kitchen, so it was intoxicating to witness something sizzle out in the open like that," said diner Tim Donnelly, 43, who reported experiencing a "temporary hypnosis" triggered by the combination of meat-fat, air, moisture, and vegetable oil. "I kind of wish I had ordered the fajitas now."

Sources confirmed that the overall level of awe and wonder among customers reached its height as the fajitas drew closer to their destination. A number of onlookers reportedly sat up in their seats and strained their necks in an attempt to discern which diner would be receiving the scorching Mexican specialty.

Though the natural transference of energy across two bodies of varying thermal density eventually reduced the fajitas' initial sizzling to a quiet simmer, witnesses continued to speculate as to the overall temperature and flavor of the dish.

"I don't know if those were chicken or steak fajitas, but when a meal sizzles like that, chances are it is delicious," 29-year-old patron Shannon Halfhill said. "And I know that skillet was burning up because I explicitly heard the waiter say to the man, 'Be careful. This plate is really hot.'"

Chili's staff members later reported a correlation between the public display of sizzling fajitas and a spike in fajita sales. According to an analysis of time-stamped receipts, four additional fajita orders were placed within the first seven minutes after the original dish appeared.

"I don't actually like fajitas that much," said 39-year-old Sam Weber, who was among those to order the fajitas. "They can be a hassle because you have to worry about not putting too much meat and vegetables in one tortilla so that you have enough for the other three, and they almost always fall apart so you end up eating them with your fork anyway."

"But it's definitely worth it if they are going to sizzle like that," Weber added.

According to server Heather Wright, 20, one customer requested that his order be switched from the Country-Fried Chicken Crispers to the Citrus Fire Chicken and Shrimp Fajitas after Wright confirmed that the Chicken Crispers would not sizzle at any point during their delivery to his table.

"What can I say?" Chili's manager Mike Taft said. "People really like it when their food comes out sizzling."

Marcia Hillend, the 34-year-old budget manager who ordered the captivating fajitas, told reporters they tasted fine.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close