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National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
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Restaurant Patrons Rapidly Losing Faith Parents Going To Do Something About 4-Year-Old

SARATOGA, CA—Casting numerous glances at the table of three, patrons at Gallo’s Italian Restaurant were said to be rapidly losing faith Monday that a nearby couple would do something about their 4-year-old son. “He’s run up and down the length of the restaurant, like, four times already, all of which seemed like pretty good opportunities to step in,” said customer Sharon Wittsack, adding that her pessimism regarding the likelihood of intervention only increased upon noticing the parents fully engaged in conversation despite their child jumping up and down on the cushion of their booth. “If they haven’t acted by this point, I don’t see why they’d suddenly start now. I think we’re just going to have to put up with it.” At press time, customers told reporters that after half an hour, they were also quickly losing faith that the manager would make his way over.

More from this section

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

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