Restaurant Turns Out To Be Spanish, Not Mexican

Top Headlines


45-Minute Phone Call To Credit Card Company Goes Great

FORT WAYNE, IN—Grinning with contentment as he reminisced about the call he placed earlier in the day, 31-year-old accountant Greg Schulhoff told reporters Thursday that his 45-minute phone call with MasterCard regarding late payment fees went “really great.”

Mom Keeping Tabs On Coyote Situation

WAYZATA, MN—Regularly updating her husband and children on the frequency and location of sightings around the neighborhood, local mother Dana Salisbury continued to keep close tabs on the coyote situation this week, sources confirmed.

Teen Coming Out Of Shell Giving Bully Lots Of New Material To Work With

SCOTTSDALE, AZ—Claiming he “hit the jackpot” when his victim began displaying an increased level of confidence and expressing his personal interests, local bully David Macomber told reporters Tuesday that he has had loads of new material to work with since 14-year-old Andrew Reid started coming out of his shell several weeks ago.

Boss Able To Seamlessly Blend Constructive Criticism With Personal Attacks

SAN JOSE, CA—Marveling at the ease and deftness with which he communicates the two messages simultaneously, employees at local advertising firm Wavelength Solutions told reporters Tuesday that their supervisor Eric Crowell has a unique ability to seamlessly blend constructive criticism with cutting personal attacks.

Neighborhood Starting To Get Too Safe For Family To Afford

CHICAGO—Explaining that the sense of unease she felt walking to and from her home had declined markedly over the years, Humboldt Park resident Kirsten Healy expressed her disappointment to reporters Thursday that her neighborhood was becoming too safe for her family to afford.

Area Dad Informs Busboy He’s Ready To Order

NASHUA, NH—Raising his arm into the air while leaning outward from the table in a bid to command attention from the other side of the restaurant, area father Walter Bierko called over a busboy at DiCapri’s Italian Eatery to inform him that he was ready to order, sources reported Wednesday.

Winning Argument With Aging Parents Less Satisfying Than It Once Was

CINCINNATI—After firmly telling them that she was okay paying city prices and that she would not move back to her hometown just because it was cheaper, local woman Ellen Wallace, 40, confirmed Thursday that winning an argument with her parents has become much less satisfying as they have gotten older.

Rescuers Heroically Help Beached Garbage Back Into Ocean

ATLANTIC BEACH, NC—In what many described as an inspiring display of selflessness and teamwork, a group of rescuers heroically saved a beached mound of garbage by helping the stranded trash back into the ocean, eyewitnesses reported Thursday.

Man Races Against Time To Take Out Trash Bag With Widening Puncture

RIO RANCHO, NM—His pace steadily quickening as he rounded the corner out of his kitchen and made a beeline for the front door, local man Henry Parnasse reportedly found himself locked in a race against time Wednesday morning to take out a trash bag with a widening hole in its side.

Man Pushed Off Plate Of Chicken Wings By Larger Male

WARMINSTER, PA—Looking on as the intense display of aggressive behavior played out over several minutes, sources at Flannigan’s Bar & Grill confirmed Thursday that local man Pete Samuelson was pushed off a plate of buffalo wings by a much larger alpha male.

Grandma Guts It Out Through Lunch On Sunny Patio

MALVERN, PA—Making the audacious decision to dine outdoors with her family despite a noticeable lack of umbrellas or awnings, grandmother Diane McGilvery, 83, reportedly gutted it out through lunch Friday on the sunny patio of a local restaurant.

Parents Formally Announce Transfer Of Expectations To Second Child

GRAND JUNCTION, CO—Explaining that the adjustment made the most practical sense for all parties involved, local parents Beth and Ryan Morgan held a press conference Friday morning to announce the official transfer of expectations from their oldest child, Jeremy, to his younger sibling, Angie.

Motorcyclist Salvaged For Parts

SIOUX FALLS, SD—Following a multiple-vehicle accident on Interstate 90 that temporarily halted traffic in both directions, sources reported Friday that a motorcyclist involved in the crash was hauled off and salvaged for parts.

Detective Not Sure He Was Close Enough To Partner To Endlessly Pursue Killer

DETROIT—After his partner of three years was gunned down last week while the pair were on duty, Detective David Killian of the Detroit Police Department’s Major Case Squad told reporters Wednesday he was unsure whether he had been close enough to his murdered colleague to single-mindedly pursue the killer for as long as it takes.

Man Pretty Cocky Since Beating Cancer

FT. LAUDERDALE, FL—Whether he’s bragging about his newfound appreciation for life or arrogantly refusing to take anything for granted, local man Daniel Oretsky, 38, has been acting insufferably cocky since winning his two-year battle with non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma, sources confirmed Tuesday.

Area Man Under Impression He Got Dressed Up

PROVIDENCE, RI—Explaining that the dinner he would soon be having at an upscale restaurant required him to wear something a bit special, local man Kyle Finnegan was under the impression that he had just gotten dressed up, sources said Thursday.

Man Honestly Thought Breakdown Would Be More Obvious To People

MAPLEWOOD, MN—Explaining that he had assumed the deterioration of his physical and psychological state would be readily apparent, 3M sales associate Mark Uhler told reporters Wednesday he honestly thought his ongoing breakdown would be more obvious to everyone around him.

Report: Dad Wants To Show You Where Fuse Box Is

YOUR LOCATION—Noting that it’s important to be prepared in case of emergencies but it’s also a good thing to know in general, your dad announced today that he wants to show you where the fuse box is.

Neighborhood Busybody Reports Sound Of Gunshots

INDIANAPOLIS—Once again sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong, neighborhood busybody Sally Christensen, 54, reportedly took it upon herself to report the sound of gunshots to law enforcement early Tuesday morning, sources confirmed.

Being Older Than Daughter Babysitter’s Only Qualification

UTICA, NY—Possessing no particular proficiencies or training whatsoever, local 12-year-old Jessica Radloff was reportedly hired to babysit Hayley Carden, 7, this week based solely on her qualification of being older than the child she was asked to watch.

Total Weirdo Spends Mother’s Day At Cemetery

ST. MARYS, OH—Apparently content to hang around dead people rather than celebrate like a normal person, area weirdo John Mills spent most of Mother’s Day at a local cemetery, creeped-out sources confirmed.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage


College Freshman Decides To Be Lanyard-Wearing Kind

ANN ARBOR, MI—Emphasizing that this was not a choice he had made lightly, University of Michigan student Kevin Peterson told reporters Thursday that he had officially decided to become one of the lanyard-wearing kind of freshmen.


Restaurant Turns Out To Be Spanish, Not Mexican

SCRANTON, PA—Bob and Debra Mangurten expressed confusion and frustration Monday, when the restaurant Don Quixote turned out to be Spanish, not Mexican.

The Spanish restaurant accidentally patronized by the taco-loving Mangurten (inset) and his wife.

"Where are the tacos?" Bob, a 33-year-old Scranton telephone repairman, asked waiter Pedro Cruz while scanning the menu. "What kind of Mexican place doesn't have tacos?" Cruz politely explained to him that tacos were not on the menu because tacos are not indigenous to Spanish cuisine.

"Turns out, the place was Spanish, which, apparently, is different," Debra later recalled. "How the heck were we supposed to know that?"

After ordering two Mountain Dews and requesting more time to look over the menu, the couple debated whether to stay or just pay for the drinks and find a Mexican restaurant.

"I had my heart set on tacos," Bob said. "But we were too hungry to get back in the car and drive all the way across town to Chi-Chi's, so we decided to stay put and make the best of things. Besides, Deb and I had agreed to try new things together, so I guess that counts."

Upon returning with the Mangurtens' soft drinks, Cruz suggested they start off with some tapas, which he described to the bewildered pair as "Spanish-style appetizers."

"Why don't they just have chips and salsa for the appetizer?" Bob asked. "Instead, they have stuff like prosciutto and melon, and steamed mussels. That sounds like something you wouldn't eat on a dare."

"I'm scared I'm going to order the wrong thing, and these prices don't exactly encourage experimentation," Debra said. "The way the restaurant looks on the outside, you'd never know it was the kind of place where you'd feel nervous ordering."

Mangurten, who "really wanted some tacos," eats herb-crusted sea bass with mashed yams.

After studying the menu for nearly 25 minutes, Bob ordered sea bass and Debra ordered Paella Valenciana, chosen because she recalled hearing the term paella on an episode of Seinfeld. Fifteen minutes later, her entree, a mixture of seafood, chicken, sausage, rice, saffron, and assorted vegetables and spices, was brought out and served tableside directly from a sizzling pan.

Reaction was lukewarm.

"It was fine, I suppose," Debra said. "It didn't hit the spot like some quesadillas would have, but we could have done worse."

"I guess it doesn't matter at this point," Debra continued. "They got our money either way."

Though the words "authentic Spanish cuisine" are printed on Don Quixote's door, Bob said the restaurant should make more of an effort to make its identity clear to patrons.

"When you walk into a place called Don Quixote and see all the crazy, colorful stuff on the wall, you figure it's a place to get normal Mexican food," he said. "Then, you open up the menu and you're like, what's with all this seafood? They should call it 'Don Quixote's Not-Mexican Restaurant,' so people will know exactly what they're getting. Or not getting."

Debra, who said she had been in the mood for a beef enchilada with molé sauce, agreed.

"I think it's just plain sneaky giving the place a Mexican name and making it look like a Mexican place. The least they could do is have a few things like chimichangas and burritos on the menu, for all the people who walk in here by accident. You shouldn't have to fool people to get them to eat at your restaurant. That's just bad business."

Ed Brulley, a longtime friend of the Mangurtens, said this is not the first time the pair has been duped by a restaurant.

"I took them to a great Szechuan place, and they were upset about it not having sweet-and-sour chicken or chow mein," Brulley said. "I told them that's Cantonese style, and that this was authentic Szechuan. They looked at me like I was from China. I don't think they realize different parts of a country have different styles of dishes. They certainly don't realize that countries that speak the same language don't always have the same food."

Added Brulley: "God help them if they ever accidentally stumble into a Cuban joint."