adBlockCheck

Politics

Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:
End Of Section
  • More News

Retro-Crazed Youths Re-Elect Carter

WASHINGTON, DC—A massive turnout of '70s-obsessed youths is being blamed for Jimmy Carter's surprise victory in Tuesday's presidential election. According to election officials, polling places were overrun with millions of 18- to 23-year-olds wearing Charlie's Angels T-shirts and carrying Scooby Doo lunchboxes. "The '70s were so cool," said Michelle Poole, 19, a barrette-wearing, Fisher Price toy-collecting Carter supporter. "It's like, that old-school Carter Administration shit rocked." According to Carter spokesman Edward Rowell, "President-Elect Carter will do his best to serve the mandate of '70s retro culture. He will boycott the Olympic Games, try to create another energy crisis and appoint many well-known '70s TV personalities, including Fred Berry and Gabe Kaplan, to top Cabinet posts."

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close