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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Return Of NHL Season Reignites Exciting Sidney Crosby Vs. Cranial Fluid Buildup Rivalry

NEW YORK—With the NHL season set to finally begin after a prolonged labor dispute, sources confirmed Friday that the league’s return has reignited the intense and compelling rivalry between Sidney Crosby and the buildup of excess cranial fluid. “This is easily the most exciting rivalry in the sport, and fans are already on the edge of their seats waiting to see whether ‘Sid the Kid’ or the abnormal accumulation of cerebrospinal fluid comes out on top this year,” said ESPN hockey columnist Scott Burnside, adding that “there’s no love lost” between the 25-year-old Pittsburgh Penguins star and the acute intracranial pressure in his skull. “The profusion of brain fluids really had Crosby’s number two years ago, but Sid came roaring back at the end of last season to retake the upper hand. We’re all eagerly anticipating the third chapter of the rivalry when these two face off in their 48 regular season matchups. Plus, there’s a very good chance they’ll see each other in the playoffs as well.” Reports also confirmed that both serious and casual hockey fans alike are looking forward to seeing how the rivalry unfolds over the next 30 to 40 years.

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