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Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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Reverend Al Sharpton Takes Time Off From Holy Duties To Make TV Appearance

NEW YORK—Taking a break from his busy schedule of pastoral duties, the Rev. Al Sharpton set aside time Monday evening to make an appearance on a cable news channel, sources have confirmed. “Given his professional obligations and personal devotion to spreading the Gospel, we were simply thrilled that the reverend was able to find time for us and come on our show,” television producer Sophie Josten said of the 59-year-old Baptist clergyman, who when not conducting a worship service, ministering to the sick, or teaching a seminar at a local divinity school reportedly prefers to spend his time sequestered in silent prayer. “After we showed him how to speak into his microphone properly and told him which camera to look into, he took to it like a pro, generously sharing his views on any topic that came up during the broadcast. He left in a hurry though, no doubt to spend his evening offering one-on-one spiritual counseling to members of his congregation, but we’re sure glad he was able to fit us in.” Sources close to the reverend confirmed that after quickly reprising his role as a guest host on WWE Raw, Sharpton’s next stop would be the hospice where he volunteers as a chaplain.

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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

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