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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Rex Grossman Happy To Take An Afternoon To Teach Robert Griffin III Everything He Knows

WASHINGTON—Veteran Redskins quarterback Rex Grossman, who during his nine years in the NFL has earned a 56-60 touchdown-to-interception ratio and lost a Super Bowl with the Chicago Bears, said Friday he was willing to spend an afternoon mentoring Washington's prize draft pick, Heisman trophy winner Robert Griffin III. "I want to take him under my wing after lunch someday soon and teach him the finer points of standing tall in the pocket out of sheer inability to make up your mind where to throw the ball," said Grossman, who added that sharing his understanding of the Redskins' offense with Griffin could add up to an hour to their master-student relationship. "And of course, most young QBs come into the league unaware of the right technique for just hurling the ball as far downfield as you can just to make it look like you're being heroic when you're actually really confused. I hope he doesn't have plans before 7:30." Griffin reportedly thanked Grossman for his thoughtfulness, but asked if they couldn't really cover most of it over the phone.

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