adBlockCheck

Sports

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
End Of Section
  • More News

Rex Grossman Happy To Take An Afternoon To Teach Robert Griffin III Everything He Knows

WASHINGTON—Veteran Redskins quarterback Rex Grossman, who during his nine years in the NFL has earned a 56-60 touchdown-to-interception ratio and lost a Super Bowl with the Chicago Bears, said Friday he was willing to spend an afternoon mentoring Washington's prize draft pick, Heisman trophy winner Robert Griffin III. "I want to take him under my wing after lunch someday soon and teach him the finer points of standing tall in the pocket out of sheer inability to make up your mind where to throw the ball," said Grossman, who added that sharing his understanding of the Redskins' offense with Griffin could add up to an hour to their master-student relationship. "And of course, most young QBs come into the league unaware of the right technique for just hurling the ball as far downfield as you can just to make it look like you're being heroic when you're actually really confused. I hope he doesn't have plans before 7:30." Griffin reportedly thanked Grossman for his thoughtfulness, but asked if they couldn't really cover most of it over the phone.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close