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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

CEO Worked Way Up From Son Of CEO

Though today he holds a powerful position as head of a leading information technology firm, MergeMedia CEO Gary Lightman told reporters Thursday he, amazingly, worked his way to the very top of the company from humble beginnings as the son of the previous...

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Rex Grossman Happy To Take An Afternoon To Teach Robert Griffin III Everything He Knows

WASHINGTON—Veteran Redskins quarterback Rex Grossman, who during his nine years in the NFL has earned a 56-60 touchdown-to-interception ratio and lost a Super Bowl with the Chicago Bears, said Friday he was willing to spend an afternoon mentoring Washington's prize draft pick, Heisman trophy winner Robert Griffin III. "I want to take him under my wing after lunch someday soon and teach him the finer points of standing tall in the pocket out of sheer inability to make up your mind where to throw the ball," said Grossman, who added that sharing his understanding of the Redskins' offense with Griffin could add up to an hour to their master-student relationship. "And of course, most young QBs come into the league unaware of the right technique for just hurling the ball as far downfield as you can just to make it look like you're being heroic when you're actually really confused. I hope he doesn't have plans before 7:30." Griffin reportedly thanked Grossman for his thoughtfulness, but asked if they couldn't really cover most of it over the phone.

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