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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Rex Ryan On Jets Season: ‘Anything Short Of 6-10 Is A Failure’

NEW YORK—Jets head coach Rex Ryan told reporters at a press conference Thursday that anything short of a 6-10 record this season would be considered a flat-out failure. “I’ve never been afraid of setting lofty goals for this team, and we set the benchmark last year,” said Ryan, adding that anything less than third or fourth place in the NFC East would be a huge letdown for the team, front office, and fans. “I can see the potential for this team, so I’m not afraid to put it out there. This is a 6-10 team, and I expect us to play 6-10 football this year.” Ryan confirmed that he’s equally ambitious when it comes to setting the bar for himself, saying that a dismissal from the team anytime before week 12 would be an utter disappointment.

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