adBlockCheck

RGIII Assures Doctors He Can Barely Even Feel Knee

Top Headlines

Sports

Report: Gonzaga’s In Washington, Right?

NEW YORK—Ahead of the team’s first-round game against Seton Hall in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, a new report released Thursday revealed that Gonzaga is in Washington state, right?

Teary-Eyed Robert Griffin III Slips On Draft Day Suit Again

WASHINGTON—With several tears streaming down his face as he stood alone in his bedroom’s walk-in closet, sources confirmed Wednesday that former Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III slipped on the suit he wore to the 2012 NFL Draft.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Television

RGIII Assures Doctors He Can Barely Even Feel Knee

RICHMOND, VA—Putting the fears of coaches, fans, and the organization to rest, Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III reportedly assured team doctors Thursday that he can barely even feel his reconstructed right knee. “Really, guys, my knee is totally fine; honestly, it’s been completely numb for weeks,” the reigning Offensive Rookie of the Year told Redskins medical staff inquiring into the status of his surgically repaired ACL and LCL ligaments, emphasizing that he “can’t feel a thing from [his] hip on down.” “As far as I can tell, it’s almost like there’s nothing there at all. Maybe a tiny, shooting phantom pain every so often, but, really, I’m feeling great. Can’t wait for the season to start.” According to clubhouse personnel, in order to further assuage team doctors’ concerns, Griffin then demonstrated the improved flexibility of his knee by bending the joint backwards and touching his toes to his chest.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close