RGIII Assures Doctors He Can Barely Even Feel Knee

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Vol 49 Issue 31

Global Warming Making People More Violent

A study published in the journal Science found that extremely hot and dry weather resulted in greater levels of conflict, and posited that for every degree Fahrenheit increase in average temperature, violent crime in the U.S.

Reading Rainbow Trout

PBS 10 a.m. EDT/9 a.m. CDT LeVar Burton takes children out to a river, where they catch rainbow trout and try to discern the fish’s personality just by how it flops around on the shore.

Job Growth Remains Sluggish, Or Rather, Akin To A Slug

WASHINGTON—Despite recent hopes that the lifeless U.S. employment climate may at last be turning a corner, a new report issued Friday by the Bureau of Labor Statistics shows that nationwide job growth remains sluggish, or rather, akin to a slug in i...

Highlights From Ariel Castro’s Courtroom Statement

Ariel Castro, the 53-year-old Cleveland man who abducted, imprisoned, and repeatedly raped three women over the course of 11 years, made a brief statement during a court hearing Thursday, shortly before he was sentenced to life in prison without parole.

Texas Running Out Of Execution Drug

A spokesman for the Texas Department of Criminal Justice confirmed that the state, which has the nation’s highest rate of executions, is running low on the lethal injection drug pentobarbital and would exhaust its supply in September.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Pop Culture

Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

Energy

RGIII Assures Doctors He Can Barely Even Feel Knee

RICHMOND, VA—Putting the fears of coaches, fans, and the organization to rest, Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III reportedly assured team doctors Thursday that he can barely even feel his reconstructed right knee. “Really, guys, my knee is totally fine; honestly, it’s been completely numb for weeks,” the reigning Offensive Rookie of the Year told Redskins medical staff inquiring into the status of his surgically repaired ACL and LCL ligaments, emphasizing that he “can’t feel a thing from [his] hip on down.” “As far as I can tell, it’s almost like there’s nothing there at all. Maybe a tiny, shooting phantom pain every so often, but, really, I’m feeling great. Can’t wait for the season to start.” According to clubhouse personnel, in order to further assuage team doctors’ concerns, Griffin then demonstrated the improved flexibility of his knee by bending the joint backwards and touching his toes to his chest.

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