adBlockCheck

Sports

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
End Of Section
  • More News

RGIII Refusing To Let Realistic Assessment Of His Play Get To Him

RICHMOND, VA—Saying that he makes a point to simply tune out the intense scrutiny from fans and the media, Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III stressed to reporters Tuesday that he will not allow any realistic assessment of his performance get to him. “I’m not about to let any objective criticism toward my play on the field distract me when I’m out there trying to win for my team,” said a determined Griffin, noting that he does his best not to give too much credence to the multitude of perfectly legitimate concerns about his regressing throwing mechanics, his middling ability as a pocket passer, and his increasing number of interceptions. “Look, I won’t be discouraged by unbiased, completely warranted critiques of my struggles within this offensive scheme or totally reasonable questions as to whether I’m naturally injury-prone. At the end of the day, I’m just focused on my game.” Griffin went on to say that he hopes backup quarterback Kirk Cousins is able to similarly brush off any heightened praise about his impressive displays during the preseason.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close