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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Richard Sherman

Cornerback, Seattle Seahawks

Strengths: Can read quarterback’s eyes and thereby understand his soul; Quickly moving fingers while in defensive stance at line of scrimmage; Excellent ability to recognize routes, wide receiver’s flaws

Weaknesses: Lacks elite mouth-closing speed; Managed to completely alienate half of a country that welcomed back Michael Vick; Lacks self-confidence

Position: Hype man

Biggest Fear: Finding first gray dreadlock

Speed: 40 words in 4.54 seconds

OSN Player Rating: 19.7 +/- 0.4

Toughness: Very physical, hard-hitting celebrations

Favorite Distance To Be Away From Microphones: Zero feet

NEXT: Earl Thomas

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